One of the most powerful shifts you can make in your thinking is embracing the power of and.

We're often taught to think in extremes:

“It's either a hell yes or a hell no”

“I’m either happy or sad.”

“I either love them or I don’t.

“I’m either strong or weak.”

But life rarely fits into such tidy boxes. Human emotions are complex. The truth is, two seemingly conflicting feelings can, and often do, exist at the same time. You can be heartbroken and relieved.

You can miss someone and know you're better off without them.

You can feel grateful for the memories and hurt by how things ended. This is the power of and. It creates space for complexity and complexity is where real growth, understanding, and healing happen.

The Messages We Receive About “Acceptable” Emotions

From a young age, we’re often taught that some emotions are “good” and others are “bad.” Happiness, confidence, and excitement are praised, while sadness, anger, or uncertainty are seen as signs of weakness or failure.

As a result, we start filtering our feelings. We may push away our sadness because it feels like it doesn’t “belong” when we're supposed to be grateful. We may downplay our anger because we’ve been told it makes us difficult or unkind. Over time, this conditioning can cause us to feel disconnected from our emotional truth. Learning to embrace the full range of emotions is part of building self-trust. And this is where the power of and can be transformative.

Instead of forcing yourself to feel only one thing like you should feel happy, grateful, or strong the power of and invites you to honor the emotional complexity that’s already there.

Two More Examples of Emotional Complexity

1. Grief and Gratitude

You can mourn the loss of a relationship and be thankful for what it taught you.

You can feel deep sadness after losing a loved one and smile when you remember the joy they brought to your life.

Grief doesn’t cancel out gratitude they can coexist. In fact, they often deepen each other. When you allow yourself to sit with both emotions, you’re giving yourself the space to feel whole rather than forcing yourself to suppress what’s real.

2. Pride and Regret

You can be proud of how you handled a tough situation and wish you had done some things differently.

You can feel confident about your growth and still reflect on mistakes

you made along the way.

Embracing both allows you to learn from your experiences without shame. It’s a

reminder that growth doesn’t require perfection it requires reflection.

 Practice Self-Talk with And

When you catch yourself thinking in extremes, pause and intentionally reframe your thoughts.

Instead of: “I’m anxious, so I must not be ready for this.”

Try: “I’m anxious and I’m capable of handling this.”

Instead of: “I miss them, so I must have made the wrong decision.”

Try: “I miss them and I know I chose what’s best for me.”

This small shift creates space for self-compassion and helps you hold conflicting feelings without judgment.

The power of 'and' reminds us that we don't have to erase one feeling to make space for another. Healing doesn't ask you to deny your heartbreak to embrace your relief, or to silence your gratitude to acknowledge your pain. Instead, it invites you to hold it all to let your joy and sadness, love and loss, strength and vulnerability sit side by side.