The Beginning of the End
In my early 30s, I experienced a breakup that shattered me. What began as heartbreak quickly turned into a complete unraveling of my identity, my self-worth, and everything I thought I understood about love.
This breakup didn’t just break my heart. It became the catalyst for uncovering deeply buried pain and patterns I didn’t even know I had. It forced me into the landscape of attachment trauma, a place I would come to know well and eventually dedicate my life to helping others navigate.
When the Pain Becomes Too Loud to Ignore
I had just left an abusive relationship. Two weeks later, he was smiling in wedding photos. The smear campaign against me was brutal. And I was sitting alone in my tiny New York apartment, with nothing but a mattress and boxes stacked around me.
I was barely sleeping. My mind was in obsessive loops:
“Is he happy now?”
“Did he change for her?”
I replayed the relationship over and over again with anyone who would listen, because honestly, I didn’t know how to be alone with myself. I didn’t know how to grieve without making it about him.
“Codependent No More”
I remember my therapist handing me a book and saying, “I think this might help. I want you to read this.”
It was Codependent No More. I laughed. “I’m not codependent,” I said, almost defensively.
But part of me knew she was right.
From as early as I could remember, I’d been obsessed with being chosen. I was convinced that love meant proving my worth, over and over again. That’s what I saw growing up. And that’s what I replicated, heartbreak after heartbreak, choosing emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or abusive partners.
Here’s the truth I didn’t want to admit: I wasn’t even attracted to him. But I stayed. Because my abandonment wound was so loud, I ignored every red flag.
Reenacting the Wound
That relationship was so close to the original wound I carried from my father. It gave me the perfect setup to reenact a familiar role, begging, chasing, over-functioning, hoping this time I would finally be enough to make someone stay.
It didn’t work. It never does.
That breakup forced me to look at myself honestly. What I saw was hard to admit:
Low self-worth, deep shame, a pattern of betraying and abandoning myself in relationships, no boundaries, damaged self-trust, constant overanalyzing and people-pleasing and a desperate need to be validated by others.
The Turning Point: Nervous System Work
I started the healing journey, but nothing truly shifted until I began doing nervous system work.
That changed everything.
I realized I had lived most of my life in fight-or-flight mode. I was constantly bracing for rejection, abandonment, or chaos.
When I started creating safety in my body, real change finally began:
I could set boundaries
I could hear and trust my intuition
I stopped feeling frantic when I was alone
I began showing up for myself in small, consistent ways
I began feeling connected to myself and my life
That was the last time I ever betrayed myself for love.
If You're Ready to Stop Abandoning Yourself...
That breakup marked the end of one life, and the beginning of another, one rooted in self-worth, nervous system regulation, and a deep commitment to never leaving myself again.
Which is why I created this workshop:
How to Stop Abandoning Yourself in Relationships 🗓️ June 4, 2025 🕛 12:00 PM and 6:30 PM (ET) 📍 Live on Zoom (The link to SAVE YOUR SPOT is in my bio on Instagram)
In this workshop, I’ll be teaching the exact tools I wish I had back then, the tools that helped me stop over-functioning, reclaim my boundaries, and finally feel safe inside my own body.
If you’ve ever lost yourself in love…
If you’ve ever silenced your needs to keep someone close…
If you’re ready to come home to yourself…
This is for you.