To Love Is to Risk

Oh, how we try to bypass the risks. I hear it so often:

"I wouldn’t have anxiety if I just knew this relationship was going to work out."

"I’m scared to date; I don’t want to risk being rejected again."

"I know this job isn’t right for me, but what if I fail if I try something new?"

It’s such a common response, especially after experiencing trauma, betrayal, or narcissistic abuse. When our hearts have been broken, the natural instinct is to protect them, to avoid the pain we’ve already endured. Why take the risk of opening our hearts again?

And believe me, I know how that feels. I’ve been there.

After a deep betrayal, I closed my heart off for three years. My world began getting smaller and smaller. This experience taught me that while closing off feels like safety, it’s not. I was isolating to avoid feeling triggered, but the cost was steep. I needed connection, craved community, and felt the ache of loneliness growing louder. Deep down, a part of me knew I had to take a chance to open my heart again and risk the vulnerability I was so afraid of.

The truth is life itself is a risk.

And of course, we will stumble and fall at times. Mistakes are inevitable. There’s no perfectly safe path in this life, no way to escape the messiness of being human. I know the ego works hard to convince us that we can control it all, but the truth is, it’s impossible. We have to reach a place of accepting this as part of our reality, finding courage in the act of moving forward despite the unknown.

This year, I took one of the biggest risks of my life. I moved out of the only place I’d ever known, New York City. Was it scary? Absolutely.

Were there hiccups along the way? Too many to count.

But I did it. I explored new states and cities, lived in unfamiliar places, made new connections, and made some mistakes along the way.

I grew. I practiced sitting with discomfort. I discovered more about myself this year than I had in the last few. And for that, I am grateful.

Would I have expanded like this as a human if I had decided not to take the risk? Highly unlikely.

And after years of closing off my heart, I took the ultimate risk. I opened it to my now-husband. Was it terrifying? Without a doubt. But was it worth it? More than I could have ever imagined. I built new friendships with safe, loving women. I allowed myself to trust and to be seen.

There is always risk. We can lose our loved ones at any moment. We can face rejection, heartbreak, or failure. But in my opinion, the greatest risk of all is not taking the chance to truly live.

When we learn to trust ourselves, when we have the tools and practices that ground us in this unpredictable world, we start to embrace the reality that yes, so much is out of our control. We can’t change anyone else. We can’t erase uncertainty. But we can trust that we’ll be able to handle whatever comes our way.

The losses. The challenges. The risks of moving, loving, changing jobs, and walking away from people who don’t serve us. Yes, it’s all a risk. But within those risks lie the greatest joys.

So, what’s one risk you’ve been afraid to take? What’s holding you back?

Lean into that fear, because within it lies your greatest opportunity for growth.

Because to love, to live, to grow, it’s all worth it.