For many of us, the holidays arrive draped in a blanket of expectation: “Joy to the world!” “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” “Family, gatherings, and connection!” It’s the season of celebration, togetherness, and cheers...or so we’re told.

In reality, this time of year can feel more like a magnifying glass, amplifying what feels messy, painful, or missing in our lives. Well-meaning friends and coworkers ask, “What are your holiday plans? Spending it with family?” And social media doesn’t help, with its endless stream of engagement announcements, smiling families, and carefully curated moments of joy.

It’s no wonder so many of us feel lonely, disconnected, or even ashamed. When your experience doesn’t align with the cultural narrative, it’s easy to start asking yourself: “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I feel happy like everyone else?”

The Weight of Expectations

The holidays have a way of amplifying the gap between how things are and how we think they’re supposed to be. We’re bombarded with messages of joy and gratitude, but life doesn’t pause its challenges for the season. Grief, loneliness, and family conflict don’t disappear just because the calendar says it’s time to celebrate.

For some, this season brings the pain of a loved one’s absence. For others, it’s the heartbreak of a recent breakup, the stress of navigating family dynamics, or the loneliness of not having anyone to share the holidays with. And yet, we’re expected to push those feelings aside and perform happiness, as though flipping a switch.

This disconnect between the expectation of joy and the reality of pain can leave us feeling ashamed. Instead of honoring our emotions, we start to believe we shouldn’t feel the way we do. But here’s the truth: There’s no right or wrong way to experience the holidays.

Inviting All Your Feelings to the Table

The first step in navigating the holiday season is to let go of the idea that you should feel a certain way. Joy, sadness, frustration, and loneliness are all valid emotions, and they can coexist.

Instead of pushing away the feelings that don’t “fit,” try making space for them. Sit down with a journal and ask yourself:

• How am I feeling as the holidays approach?
• What emotions are bubbling up, and why?
• What do I need right now?

Invite your pain to the table. Pull up a chair for disappointment. Allow yourself to feel heartbreak without judgment. And if the emotions become overwhelming, permit yourself to cry, a deep, full-bodied release that lets everything rise to the surface.

Self-Care & Self-soothing for the Holidays

When the holidays feel heavy, self-care is an essential tool. It’s not about fixing everything but about creating moments of grounding and comfort.

Here are some ways to care for yourself during this time:

• Take a warm bath with soothing salts or essential oils.
• Go for a walk in nature to clear your mind and move your body.
• Prioritize sleep by creating a calming bedtime routine.
• Cook yourself a healthy, nourishing meal and savor it mindfully.
• Drink plenty of water or warm herbal teas to stay hydrated and grounded.
• Give yourself a hand, foot, or neck massage with lotion or oils.
• Dance to your favorite music to shake off stress

While self-care is about intentional practices, self-soothing is about finding comfort in the moment. These techniques can help you navigate emotional distress when it arises:

• Place your hand over your heart and take deep, slow breaths. This simple gesture can bring immediate calm.
• Drink something warm, like herbal tea, and savor each sip mindfully.
• Practice sensory grounding. Use the “5-4-3-2-1” method: name five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
• Listen to calming music or nature sounds.
• Try progressive muscle relaxation. Tense and release each muscle group, starting with your head and working down to your toes.

You Are Not Alone

If the holidays feel heavy this year, know this: You are not alone. Beneath the surface, countless people are grappling with similar feelings of loneliness, grief, and overwhelm.

The holidays don’t have to look a sure way to hold meaning. They don’t need to be filled with people, presents, or perfect Instagram moments. What matters is creating space for your emotions and finding small ways to care for yourself.

Whether journaling, cooking a meal, or simply taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you’re doing your best, every small act of care matters.

You are enough, exactly as you are.