Just let it go. Just move on. Just get over it. How many times have you heard this?

How many times have you said this to yourself?

The truth is, letting go is not easy. In fact, it’s one of the most difficult things we are asked to do. Over and over again. Let go of childhood as we step into adulthood. Let go when we experience heartbreak. Let go when we experience loss. Let go through every transition. The ultimate act of letting go-our final breath.

We've been sold the idea that letting go is a single event. A moment where we decide to release something, and it’s gone, but letting go is not a one-time choice.

It's a process. A practice. A surrendering that happens in waves.

I remember spinning in the aftermath of heartbreak and betrayal. I wanted to let go. I tried to let go. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about the painful events. I couldn’t put the relationship down. Over and over, I was asking myself, what is it going to take for you to just let this go? To accept it and move on. I was waiting for something. A moment of closure. A revelation. A sense of justice. I thought that if he finally saw what he had done, if he finally felt regret, maybe then I could let go, but that moment never came.

Instead, I was asked to grieve. Grieve the loss. Even though the relationship was

unhealthy. Grieve the version of me who thought she had to tolerate mistreatment to be loved. Grieve the healthy childhood I never got to experience. Grieve the original abandonment wound from my father.

Letting go happened in phases. Each time a new wave of grief hit me. I was asked not to resist. Not to push it away. Sit with it. Let it move through me. Offer myself compassion again and again. With each cycle of grief. I loosened my grip a little more. Not by force-by allowing.

Letting go is not about forgetting. Not about erasing. Not about pretending something didn’t matter. It's loosening the grip on control. Holding love and loss and making room for what’s next. Surrendering to the process. Allowing emotions to arise and settle in their own time and recognizing that attachment is part of being human.

Here's the biggest lesson I have learned and it's one that I bring to my coaching practice. Letting go requires a sense of safety. The nervous system must feel safe enough to release what it’s holding. If we are caught in survival-Fight-Flight and Freeze. Our bodies naturally resist letting go as holding on has been a form of protection.

Real release happens when the nervous system no longer needs to cling. When we learn to meet ourselves with compassion, implement practices to create safety in the body and meet our emotions and feelings in a healthy way. Letting go is no longer a terrifying free-fall, but a gentle descent into the next stage. We trust that we will land safely, knowing we can hold ourselves through whatever comes next.

After all these years of doing the work, personally and with hundreds of clients. A memory will still rise. A new transition will arrive. The wave will hit me again. I don’t brace against it, I know that this is the nature of letting go. A continual unfolding. Each time the wave comes, I meet it with compassion. Breathe into it. Trust that just as it rises. It will also pass.