“A gaslit child will become an adult who does not trust their own compass.” — Patrick Teahan

There’s a deep wound that many of us carry-one that doesn’t always show itself in obvious ways but lingers beneath the surface, shaping the way we love, the way we trust, and the way we move through the world. It’s the wound of self-doubt, planted in childhood, often by the very people who were meant to be our safe harbor.

If you were raised in an environment where your emotions were dismissed, invalidated, or gaslit, where your reality was questioned or denied, where you were told, “That didn’t happen,” “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re overreacting,” you learned to distrust yourself. You learned that your internal compass, your ability to sense what feels safe, what feels right, what feels true was faulty. And so, instead of looking inward for guidance, you began looking outward, searching for someone else to tell you what to feel, how to think, what is real.

And then, in adulthood, we often find ourselves drawn to individuals who are unhealthy and emotionally immature individuals who have narcissistic traits, who manipulate, who lack empathy.

Why?

Because we have been second-guessing our reality since we were children. When you grow up in an environment where love was inconsistent, transactional, or required self-abandonment, your nervous system learns to equate love with emotional uncertainty.

It’s not that we want to be hurt, it’s that the push-pull dynamic of inconsistency feels familiar. In childhood, love may have come with conditions “If you behave this way, I’ll approve of you,” or “If you meet my needs, I’ll be kind to you.” So as adults, we unconsciously gravitate toward relationships that recreate those dynamics, believing that if we can finally "earn" love from someone emotionally unavailable, it will somehow heal what was broken in the past.

When self-trust is fractured, we live in a state of perpetual second-guessing:

• Was that really wrong, or am I just being dramatic?

• Did they cross a boundary, or am I expecting too much?

• Maybe I just need to be more patient, more understanding, more… something.

And so, we stay. We tolerate. We shrink.

This is how the cycle continues. This is how an adult who was gaslit as a child becomes someone who doesn’t leave when they should, who questions themselves instead of the person hurting them, who can’t stop doubting their reality long after the relationship ends, who hands over their power because they were never taught how to hold it for themselves.

Whenever I work with clients who have come out of dysfunctional relationships or narcissistic abuse, we work not only on validating their experiences in the present but also on meeting the younger version of themselves who was taught to ignore their own voice. The one who was told they were too much, too dramatic, too needy.

So, I ask:

✨ What does that child within you need to hear today?

✨ What does your inner child need to hear from you that they never heard growing up?

✨ What if, instead of silencing your inner child’s fears, you finally listened to what they’ve been trying to tell you?

If you’re tired of doubting yourself and ready to break free from unhealthy dynamics, I can help. In my coaching, we’ll work together to rebuild your self-trust, strengthen your boundaries, and help you create the kind of relationships that feel safe, fulfilling, and aligned with your worth.